On taking risks & solitude.


“Do one thing that scares you every day.”

I made a list of things that scared me one day. On December fifth, I decided to do those things. The first thing I did was completely spontaneous. It wasn’t on my list, yet I felt the need to do it. Because it was something that scared me. 

I was proud of myself; even though I didn’t exactly follow the list, I had the mindset to step out of my comfort zone. 

Sometimes I feel as though I’ll never be good enough for anyone. I can never please anyone and I will never be able to please everyone. Expectations are set too high from some people and they often forget that I’m only 5’3. I can’t reach everything, and even if I do try, my efforts wouldn’t be appreciated. 

Anyone can pack their bags and leave you at any given moment, or even lock you away to never have an importance in their life anymore. And while you are still locked up in that cage or alone in that apartment, there is still someone there. And that someone is you.

There are so many inhabitants of this planet, so many different personalities, opinions and beliefs. Yet, none of those individuals know you the way you do. You know your deepest thoughts, which day you dug a whole to bury a certain secret, and the memories that you’ve either accepted or permitted to eat you alive. 

You know the day you made a promise, and the day you broke it. No one really knows the full story of why you got into an argument last night, and no one knows who you silently wished negativity upon.

Except for God. Except for you.

And since you know yourself better than anyone else, why not get to know yourself better? Why not try to understand why you do certain things? 

This means to find comfort in your own company. It’s teaching yourself not to depend on anyone else for your own happiness. It’s self-acceptance. It’s the art of solitude. And I believe that solitude is one of the first steps to building a relationship with yourself.

Taking risks has allowed me to explore myself on a deeper level. To see what I like and what I don’t like. To prove to myself that I don’t have to hang out with friends all the time in order to be happy.

I am an introvert. I enjoy solitude, not isolation. One of my biggest fears is being left alone, with only the negative aspects of myself to live life with me. Deliberate solitude, on the other hand, is beautiful. It is purely intentional; a decision that I make with myself to recognize that I am a person too, and I deserve to treat myself with kindness.